nth worth believing in

PROPEEPAN! i miss you(:
lai ge baobao!
stay happy alrights?
<3

rvfbt! jiayous for Nationals alright?
i still love you people & will be cheering for all of you(:
sorry for not training with you all anymore.
hmm..
Stella can conc on you all btr too yo xD [sounds lk a lame excuse =x
RVWOOSH! xD

hey dere! was supp to go open th shop tday but overslpt, woke up moody etcetc..
& so... yea.. im at home now.
lappy's in th shop.
no webcam for me :(
RAWRS!
so pissifying..

hmm.. & i wonder if baby misses me

silly baby's playing some random game now.
so cute lurhs xD
didn wna ask him those qns but well..

gaaahs.
im silly aint i?

toooodaaaa! im finally blogging again
<3
freakin glad things are fine between baby & i now.
LOVES!
gna try even harder alr.
coz ive still got my spoilt brat(:

&ohya..
THANKYOU ppl for cheering me up!
esp Cass&James.
tt poor guy practically had to just stay on th line w/o talking..
tsk..
have fun for th match k! jys
^^

gf where r u now?
yt needs someone to tell her not to be silly.
i wonder if u gna say
" ya... u sld give up now coz both of u will only get sadder" or
" continue & believe you two can solve this prob" or
" jiayou yting! dont cry anymore coz evt will be fine de" or
..

i cant even think of what else u can say.

i just want baby to hug me and tell me not to be silly coz evt's fine
yet..

goddamn it
i dowanna ask my cards.
i dowanna be so clueless as well.
yea. im fking hard to please

tt issue's fking hard to solve too
it seems so easy
& baby's decided not to break up.
but it isnt as simple as tt as well.

im not even praying for th issues to work out now.
i guess it's just making everything count alr

&btw
it wasnt his fault i cried.
i just cried

sorry for all tt gibberish nonsense i was spouting.
& here's more.

waiting for baby's reply
finally replied baby aft so long.
baby i love you.
really.
i dont wna let go
it sucks to be typing evt while waiting for ur reply.
waiting sucks.
thinking of th possibility of having to let go sucks too.
why cant things work themselves out?
or perhaps, why had i bother letting this start in th first place?
sorry baby..
i guess i thot of all tt possibilities long ago before but i chose to go ahead.
th cards told evt.a
it's just lk me not to listen.

sorry.
& pls.. wld u just reply?
wdv ur ans is.

i dno what im feeling anymore.
maybe.. i just wasnt meant for u.
fking scared tt th next msg gna be one asking for a breakup tho i contemplated bringing it up ytd afternoon alr.
i noe ive failed to be th kinda gf u wanted but i dno how to achieve tt.
im aware tt ure trying real hard to accomodate my fked up schedule and curfews but..
perhaps im just not trying hard enough
yet, i think my best wun ever be good enough.

im really clueless to evt other thn th fact tt ultimately, u wun be able to tolerate th limitations.
thank god u didn initiate a breakup. but fk. i did it
im sorry..
it isnt what i want, really.
im not thinking straight. i know this isnt what i want but yea.. theres just so many buts.
each msg just brings abt more tears which is y im making u end it
it's either to give up now or later.
dere isnt really any available options now yea?
sorry for making u choose lk it doesnt concern me.
sorry for being so fking selfish. i dont wna regret my choice coz i alr noe what it gna be.
sorry baby.
truth is, i read her blog.
& i realised im nv ever gna be able to be lk her.
she's everything im not.
pretty, cute, intelligent...
she has evt i lack & evt to make things work out for u guys.
i spent th tyme u werent contacting me ytd pondering over it, wondering if i sld let go.
i cant find tt fking "ai mai" attitude to let go no matter how hard i tries
tt was y i lost my temper.
i wonder when yingting became such a crybaby

& to all th guys out dere
yingting's a fking failure as a gf.
rmb tt alrights?

im finally updating after lk soooooo long.
HAHAHS!
missing frens in rv LOADS.
gaaahs.

they gna go back to school tmr.
HOHOHO
-feels evil-
JIAYOU PPLE!

personally, i feel so unprepared.
i noe ive still got afew wks left but dere's so many uncertainties.
& i hate this feeling.
having to start everything anew etc. sighs
hopefully i gna still have baby to cheer me on xP
it's a sure thing right? >,<
at least i hope so...

oh yes, HAPPY BELATED BDAY CAS!
GF<3s
hope u lk th pressie. im sorry i was too broke >,<

&baby,iloveyouso (:

baby's busy at work now & im listening to him work over th fone
hahas!
he's lk so ap i wonder how th customers stand him
|tskk.

love tt dumbass
&RAWRR.. i didn get to c him tday
got th urge to throw tantrums now.
[tt shows how freaking spoilt i am]
GAAAAAHS!

BABY!miss me ohkay?!
superloves xoxo

OINK! IM FINALLY AWAKE(:
woke up just now, came online & fell aslp again
tsk.
im such a PIG

planning to type out my ell stuff coz th tchers still want them o,o
& ive gotta at least get started on th testi stuff
TSK

goddamns.
im rotting at home=(

it's less thn 1 day and baby's starting to feel lk a "spare tire".
all coz im super fked up.
goddamns.
baby, im really sry =X

& really, it isnt as u think.

tday was fun(:
& i <3 th hugs tho baby was super noti.
HE WAS STEALING KISSES, not to mention EXTORTING them.
TSKK!
love th way he smells too xDD
nicenice..

oh btw,BABY CLAIMS TT HE'S SPOILING M
hehh.. i admit im super pampered but i swear he's th spoilt brat.
he has to get his way when he wants hugs and kisses.
TSKK! so much for wanting to deprive him
>,<

itc camp[candlelightnight 09]:
"latenight" chats, balloon volleyball......
I LOVE TH FEELING OF BEING W/ SQDM8S!
finally aft so long.
^^ sqdouting!
SQD OUTING's COMING SOON!

just got round to submitting my application online.
finally.
ve been procrastinating lol!
& now, all that's left is sending in my forms and my stuff for testimonial.
such a bother..tsk..

supposedly got a job but aint allowed to work
guess i gna try harder in job hunting alr.
I NEED CASH!
goddamnit.

& btw, today aint exactly bad tho it's fri th 13th.
at least.. it's been ok so far >,<
patched up with CASSANDRA GF<3 ytd after so long.
yea, i missed her & im glad evt's fine^^
wheeeeee~

& guess wad....
MELVIN LIM!
hahas, i aint disclosing anth.
baby, i just hope we gna last.
[eh... ppl, obvious enough?]

& oh btw, i dno y ppl dont seem to read me correctly on msn
it's getting on my nerves, really.
when im pissed, everyone takes me lightly
& when im not angry, much less quarrelling, ppl tend to think tt im angry or smth
zzZ!
it's srsly mfking lame lurhs o,O
i admit i get irritated when ppl refuse to get my point but i CANT BE BOTHERED TO PICK A QUARREL OVER SUCH MISUNDERSTANDINGS.
esp when it comes to ppl whose opinions i dont really care abt.
if it were michelle, clarine, cass, 10, baby etcetc, i wld have been more affected but tskk...
i cant really be bothered to seek th understanding of EVERYONE i noe right?
ohwells...
it's funny how some ppl i chat with online think im so free as to quarrel with or get angry at them.
i rather talk to th wall. -,-

gna zoom off to msg baby before i slp
goodnights world(:

btw, propeePanMeiShan,
u btr tc of urself urhh!
OH YES, HAVE FUN AND RMB OUR PRESENTS HORHH!

floorball=)
JQ, we gna improve. yes, we may seem lk losers now
but we wldn be lk this Forever.
We gna make both CoachStella & u proud of us.
& yes, u gna treat us as worthy players soon.

even if it's wad i think,
it's coz i have faith in all of us.
we will make it alright

R', i think..
im losing faith in u alr.
it's lk, i rather put all th hope ive got on u on floorball coz we're getting nowhere.
after so long, we aint able to address any of th problems we're facing.
no solutions despite all th tyme we spend talking.
it's always delay after delay as tho time wld allow th issues to sort themselves out.
pt is, it wldn.

so what if im willing to wait?
nth will ever come outta it right?
ur promise to me.. it had meant so lil i aint even holding u responsible for those words.
im sorry i took it so lightly but it's just so hard to believe u
& i was right not to have so much faith in it or it wld have hurt more.

have u tried in all th time ive given you?
rather, u had taken it for granted while he* was putting in all th effort.
im waiting but time isnt.

i noe u aint gna be happy seeing this but it's just reality.
wad's th use of wanting me to believe in you when dere's nth for me to believe in?
it's just me comforting myself everyday, trying to think of excuses for u so i can go on.
no matter how hard i try, an undeniable fact exist

why wait for a guy who can promise nth?
worse still, perhaps, someone who promised more tears

wld u ever believe a guy who tells u to go for another guy who treats u btr when tt guy himself was supp to lk u?
yueting was right, i sld tell him to prove it.
but she was wrong too..
coz it wldn make a diff. he simply wldn do anth more.

cried aft he hung up.
so im worth just so lil.
to th extent he cld just imply tt i sld go for another guy coz he didn give me enough attention.
it isnt what i want.
& fk. it hurts

why claim to want smth when u aint even working towards it?
it's confusing me.
& ive had enough.

& screw this.
R' said to wait.
yet im alrd used to not having to.

tired out aft waking up early for 3v3 @tampCC
thank god i dont havta do my hwk alrd xD
JY FLOORBALLERS! DONT GET INTO TROUBLE OVER HWK K?

& im really sry i didn do my best on court.
sorry....

3-3 tmr[: JY RVFBT1&2!
<3

met jeffrey daddy just now at his camp to buy food for him& his frens
lk so finally mit him aft so long lorh!
MY DADDY DAMN KAWAII xD
looks fitter ler lehh!^^

bus-ed to SembInt
emoed on th way.
somehow, i realised how much i reallie missed him*
kinda lk.. wow. aft so long of thinking/trying to believe tt i dont fking have feelings for him* anymore..

freak.
ive got to stop this.

ive got smth AMAZING to announce!
guess what..
ive got..
...
..
.
3/25 for math lecture test!
weets! it's THREE MARKS ohkay?
considering i did only 2 qns and got 1 totally wrong.
ROFL

oh btw, i didn go to school today.
HOHOHO
coz i didn wna sit tru 2hrs of fked up econs and th 15min math "quiz" coz i wun noe how to do a single qn.
toodles.
dont worry, im fine with detention/cwo.

but still,
WHY MUST TH SCHOOL MAKE LATECOMERS DO CWO luhhs?
lk hello?! parents paid for us to go to school for education-not for us to clean up th place huh.
afterall, i thot th school alrd employed staff to do th job.
WE AINT PAID ARE WE?
& oh btw, i charge by th hour. but even so, i wldn take on th job if they paid me to o,o

gawd. im such a bitch.
too bad, tts th way i am.

loads of stuff happened between frens recently.
thkgod evt's sorted out between ppPMS(: im glad, really..
but fk th fact tt smth happened again
re pp, i knew i was goddamn sad
but for now, i dno if im disappointed, upset, angry or smth
tell me how im supposed to feel alrights?
i noe she's probably affected by wad happened too but..

dere's a limit to evt & i most probably reached mine.
sry.
i hope things gna work out tho.

now for FLOORBALL, my fulltime lover(:
th date ytd was fun tho i realised i sucked big time at passing and receiving th ball.
gna train harder^^
& i still love it to bits & pieces.
3-3 on SUNDAY. coachStella said she wna watch. ROFL
think we gna be th oni team with a coach watching & it's stressful yet funny at th same tyme.
TSK.

& ynoe wad's th suckiest thing ever? saturday's date is CANCELLED.
DAMNS.

yting l.

Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things.

love lies.

A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing.
I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:).
S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue.

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