nth worth believing in

moving on, hopefully.
seems lk we're really back to how we were in th past though not in th way i hoped for.
still, im glad we're still frens(:
new beginnings ^^

2nd nite consec tt ive been falling aslp and waking up to off lappy.
this is bad... i sld stop this.

shall update some jokes ltr(:

28/04
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY

reality check: im damn slpy. not to mention giddy + some headache>.< DUMB.
:it's over alr. aft being tgt for 1mthThirteen days before th cooldown period.
cant say it's what i want/ wad i hope th conclusion gna be but still, (:
im fine xD maybr not but i gna be alright.
yt's STRONG.
time to grow up. perhaps in future... hmmm.. well, tt's th future. & im not what he wants. shall not think abt it tt much.
i'll just be alright even if i seem to be faking it.
who cares?

floorball..
i didn super badly. BUT at least...
i wasnt affecte by my mood.

it's just tt im not exactly feeling well enough to update>.<
-i fell aslp. just woke up and found th comp on-

& ~~baby~~, i still love u loads.
wish we cld be tgt lk in th past but it's impossble alr.
thx for th memories(:

school today was ok considering tt i had a super bad start dropping tears on my way to school.
missing him terribly. kinda rmbed tt tyme he sent me to rv early in th morning..
i concentrated for th first 4hours in school.
pretty remarkable.
kinda had th strong want to not let my thoughts wander.GOODJOB(:
too bad i cldn maintain it, dropping tears during rhtm.
totally lost it.
angry with myself for being so undetermined=(

school's stressing me out.
i dont even noe wad tests/exams are coming up & i dont know wad im supposed to know, how im supposed to rmb evt.
Melvin said he gna be cheering me on always, supporting me tru but i guess..

gna have Rhtm again tmr. lab tho.. -faints- followed by commsk1
4hours. i did it today & i gna do it tmr [if i can]
flying down to RJC to watch RVFBT's first match ever. JIAYOU!
thinking tt i gotta get back to tp for floorball trial kinda... sucks?
hope i wldn let my emotions control wdv i do on court.
Coach's right. when ure playing, dont ever get emotional
it's floorball. & if im meant to play, i will be able to do it(:

hahas! cocky eh? xD

i guess melvin&i wldn be meeting each other for a pretty long time.
we've both got various stuff to sort out and settle>.<
goddamns. im gna miss him real bad..

been trying to get used to th feeling of not having ______ arnd.
it's lk.. hmm..
sudden switch in sms partners.
th change in name that pops out tgt with th msg alert.
know it wldn be ______ yet each time, my heart nv fails to skip a beat when a msg is received.

oh yes.. while being on th hp part, I SO FREAKING WNA COMPLAIN.
910's sent for repairing & so, im lk using my mum's kuku hp. eek. cant get used to it.
looking forward to having 910 back.
people say u only gna realise how impt someone is to u when u lose him/ when he isnt dere anymore.
i guess it actually applies to th stuff we're all so aquainted to using evd
gna learn to TREASURE lol!

belatedly decided to go out with parents to bugis after much crying.
we ended up meeting Aunt&Uncle &&&&&...
I BOUGHT A IPOD NANO xD
prettypretty green = happyhappy yting!
at least i gna have music to acc me when im feeling down.
dinnered at some random place in kallang.
i so freaking swear i wldn have kids next tyme. UGH to confinement food which my aunt&mum had sudden cravings for.
imagine eating them for lk... 30days? i think i gna puke my guts out>.<
dere was this impromptu decision among th adults to have durians @ Geylang.
got me totally o,O but guess what...
I LEARNT HOW TO OPEN DURIANS(: rofl!
mum & aunt were lk so prepared to siam flying durian shells but i was good @ it xD
nxt tyme wna eat durians must jio me out(:
had a drive arnd geylang coz they thot it gna be eyeopening for me LOL!
im such a goodgal in their eyes=pukes=
get me super stressed up instead but i guess th good thing was that fleeting glance(:

gna go bathe now since th toilet is finally unoccupied xD
leaving my Greenie to charge in meantime.
oh yes.. im so not looking forward to Rhtm tmr. kuku lesson,kukulecturer.

it's prolly time to get my thots sorted & perhaps learn to be less oversensitive etc alr.
& yea, tyme to let go of th past.
afterall, it gna be a new beginning no matter wad, regardless of th outcome.
time to grow up girl(: love comes & go but th memories remain.

17days.

dyou realise? it's 13[x2]/4 tday
& 1mth+Thirteen days.

im gna be alright(:

sent by ProPeePMS in attempt to cheer me up
go watch it xD

"Nobody"

&girl, thx for being there for me always & for all th advice(:
really appreciate it tho i cant bring myself to listen to th part on breaking up.
loves<3

super worried but not daring to dial his number.
kept waking up to check for msgs truout th night but well..
it's morning alr. no replies.

cmon baby..
pls just at least send me a msg so i gna noe tt ure ohkay.

cant fking help it tt im crying all over again.
but why doesnt it seem to help improve th weather?
GLABALWARMING:[

i dont care how mfking pathetic i sound.
im super afraid tt im losing u alr.
it's driving me nuts & i dno wad to do anymore.
dont get angry if u see this but if ure alr wanting to end this, just do so k?
though i really hope u wldn.
baby...

[my brain's so cocked up from crying i dno wad to type anymore]

will you promise me "forever"?

so many things to be said>.<
& imissyou.

is it just me or are things really different alr?

first&foremost, i wld lk to thank my beloved PROPEE for th super early bday pressie xDD

went town w propee kinda very late&dressed lk some kuku>,<
saw weijie while shopping arnd & it was lk.. SUPER EMBARRASSING all thx to propee. i was lk goddamn stun can?!
&...
we had dinner @ StraitsKitchen
super duper fun & hohoho! im sososo honoured xD
[propee, inside knowledge horhh.. shall keep it close to my heart]
awww.. im so sweet. HAHAHA
& anw, she cabbed me home aft tt summore. SO NICE RIGHT?
[imagines propee telling me she's always nice]

th few hours were kinda emoishly high.
dno how these two came tgt but somehow, we managed it xD
ironical(:

im missing baby loads now but...
& im angry coz...
but it isnt valid at all.
yet i cant help but to...

ive got to stop acting lk some leaking tap.
been crying loads over ??
& it's damn embarrassing when it happens in public places.WTF

&imsick. fk it. i dont lk being sick coz i've to tc of MYSELF.
damn lame. my mum cant be bothered.
i think nobody can be bothered to care lol! other thn my propee(:

it's me tt i cant overcome.
all this while i believed but it was myself i doubted.
i doubted what i believed in.

im super frustrated.
@ what exactly? i dont fking know too.
myself? him?

i dont lk sharing. i really dont coz i dont have to, really.
yet, i realised how i wld rather cry myself to slp nearly everynight thn let it go now.
if only regrets cld be washed away by tears.

laugh at me(:
i'll laugh too.

i think baby's angry with me.
>.<
& im angry too.
lk why th hell do i have to make him angry/disappointed/upset EVERYTIME?

rawrs me

im so freaking tired im struggling to sit properly.
got this stupid headache which is pissing me off coz i dont really feel lk letting myself slp,yet>.<
ahwells.. after this(:

school tday was zZ
was "kok"ed on th head by some idiot early in th morning before having to endure a superbly boring econs lecture.
i guess i prolly have to work changing my habit of switching off simply coz smth's too boring/ too cheem for me to understand.
TSK
commsk was SLIGHTLY btr tho everyone was trying to kip away from th saliva missiles of th tcher.
slpt tru intHT coz i didn hav th notes & also coz i was damn tired alr.
gotta jiayou!

went arnd th cca booths before orientation.
got pissed off by th fked up senior. maybe i wun be bothered to go for it anymore.
i dont lk his face(:
signed up for CSC,malaydance&moderndance in th end.
totally unbelievable.
it was more lk an "on impulse" kinda thing. most prolly aint getting into any of them so well... o,O

htmorientation was FUN xD
& 1Ho4 had th bestest cheers.
im so sorry i think i nearly killed weiming with my weight at th pebble path thing.
gaaahs.
still, it was enjoyable getting duper high as a class lol
poor classrep2 had to be our mascot and yea, th costume was HAHAHA!
oh yea.. shirley and i were lk total kukus asking where th toilet near th bookshop was when it was just "in front of" us xD

supper/? with baby aft tt & home-d
<3

im reallyreally tired out now
kinda sudden but...[dozes off]

ive got some tyme before i finally decide to slp.
so i shall give my dear frens some credit before i finally allow my lappy peace until tmr xD
school tday was boring tho th front part of CommSkills was funny.
[oh yea. we oni had commskills so th boring part was real bad. at least for me]
was desperately trying not to drift off to some fantasy land for an exp far btr thn th reality of counting down to th end of lesson.
WT&i headed to look for msLim w Shirley coz she wanted to pass her some forms.
super funny coz Shirley was duper direct.
was laughing at her lack of "good morning" & self intro when she called msLim.
she didn realise lol!
headed to get our notes/book after tt.
kinda pissing me off why TP has a whole load of stairs. ZZ
but well, at least we got our materials FINALLY despite th fact tt my $$ seems to have flown off in a spaceship. SUPER FAST>,<

lunch@whitesands with WT&S too.
was scammed dere coz dear missWT wanted her century egg porridge and was too lazy to walk home from th busstop [she can take 88 right to her block if she headed to ws lol!]
was laughing at her laziness.
& we did smth super o,O we took photos in th toilet. LMAO.
it's lk.. hmm.. ive nv done anth lk this other thn in school toilet.
THX FOR TH FIRST TYME LOL! th next tyme gna be th lift in school.
reminds me of some damn unglam moment.[undisclosed xD only WT&S knows wad happen in th lift]
headed to look for baby aft tt.more $$ fly away coz i decided to cut down on travelling tyme.CAB
propee must be laughing at my noobness now lol!
& yea.. i finally headed home at 7plus coz my mum called. zZ

some time was spent simply staring at baby while he played his comp game tho i was supp to be studying.
he's just so... perfect?
hmms. i dno. i just wish to have him ~~forever~~.
sounds super cheesy but wdv..
i just felt super lk crying for being such an ass all this tyme. yet i cant seem to stop it.
merely laughed/smiled/wdv and took fotos of him. ROFL.
& i realised i nv really wanted to let go despite some part of me which kip trying to escape. th part which longs for all th love & perhaps th way i was pampered.

try harder,girl!
u dont have all th tyme in th world alr(:

im still waiting for ur ans.

htm orientation's tmr.
wondering if im really going.
guess i'll just bring th stuffs and decide tmr.
who knows i gna walk off minutes before th thing starts.
im lk developing th "do-it-if-i-feel-lk-it" attitude alr>,< badbadbad
even towards floorball.
i realised how i can actually just act lk it nv did matter to me even tho i miss playing it alot.
such a fktard. perhaps i'll look back one day and laugh at my stupidity of not acting rationally one day, just hope tt day aint coming anytime soon/ i gna die before tt x.x
spouting gibberish nonsense again. ZZZ myself.
i dont know wad im really up to either.

feeling kinda confused by myself now.
sounds mfking stupid but i cant seem to make sense out of what im thinking.
& im disappointing baby again and again coz i cant seem to straighten out my thots.
it's frustrating having to face changes oh-so-suddenly in terms of attitude.
i know it. & i know tt being sorry aint gna solve anth anymore one day if this goes on.
i need to change/control myself more. stick to acting acc to what i say, stop th random tantrums simply coz i was way too spoilt by th previous bfs i got in th past/th guys who still care now.
it isnt anth lk tt alr. im nt going to get my way all th tyme.
i wish fairytales exist.yet again, im not a/the princess.. even if fairytales were to have a place in reality.

srsly, wtf is wrong with me?
he wun hurt me coz he loves me. i need to get tt into my fking stupid brain even if i alr cant cramp in wdv i need to know in school.
he has put in loads of effort alr. it's high time i get my thots sorted before...

im missing you even if it's only slp tt ure missing.

& before i head off to bed to oinks before th 2nd day of semester,

school was ok tday. class outing was fun but lectures were a lil o.O
esp th second one.
managed to catch bits here and dere for th first lecture but switched off totally during th second lecture which sucked to th max.
my thots were wandering from lecture content to rs stuffies.
freaking bad start since i promised to study hard.
ive to jiayous loads alr.

totally high-ed in school tho i wasnt in th very high mood.
just didn wna go arnd with a black face >,<
im kinda good at faking it alr xDD

& im angry&upset&wdsve now.
cant find th stupid thingy for my hp = no music to acc me on th super lonely journey.
IRRITATING.
& i dno y else im feeling so down.

i need to see baby real bad. i want hugs&kisses. loads&loads of love.
hmmms.
RAWRR..

off to cry again.
zZ. no wonder my complexion getting from bad to worse. FK

ignore wdv's said here.
youve got ur temper & ive got mine too.
& u said i nv had to trust you.
maybe i will eventually but it gna take tyme now.
i tried to alr, it isnt lk ive been doubting you so much all this while.
it's just tt evt i decide to, smth comes up..

whether it's on impulse tt u tried getting her back after u asked me to be ur gal, u made me doubt if u were serious.
tt aside, rmb u told me u didn love her anymore other thn th fact tt u still miss her from time to time? u also said tt u forgot abt her since last yr yea?
wdv u said, it just kept changing.
now, all th crap abt having forgotten her etc turns out to be that u do still love her afterall.

& to think all this while ive been some fking idiot to have believed tt ur love was mine only.
wtf do u exactly take me for? & why dyou even think i bothered to try changing my fked up indifferent attitude?
for smth tt is shared? WOW. so im just THAT intelligent huhs?
if i didn change, i wldn have given a fking damn abt it but freak, im not lk how i was alr.
i wish i was as heartless as i was previously. thn, i can trust u without hesitation coz nth gna matter.

honestly, is it any wonder i thot of th probability of ur ans changing into a lie eventually? it didn happen just once.
im feeling lk a complete idiot now if u didn know.
my fault for doubting you, for pissing u off.
yes, i deserve to get ignored. uve got th right to be angry.
evt's ALL MY FKING FAULT.
it's even my fault i told u i didn need u to prove anything to me.
it's so freaking wrong to not want to be given another false hope, to not wna be let down if u fail in proving tt ure serious.

im sorry if this post pisses u off.
u can doubt me too. tt after all tt ive written, i still love u loads.
i had to get ur trust bit by bit unlike her.
unlike th others, it's th same for now alr.
& this time, it isnt only proving to me that ure serious/can be trusted...
ive shown my disability to judge.
convince my frens[cas and michelle](: it's just that simple & yet so difficult which explains y i didn want u to prove anth previously.
im sorry i became lk this.
i nv wanted to show this side of me to you.
sorry for breaking th promise i made myself tt i gna deal with my emotions on my own.
baby, im reallyreally sorry.

will u still love me?

timecheck.. realised i was supp to be aslp 1hrs+ ago. berates myself for being stupid. imagines a lack of slp yt tmr.
but freak. i cant seem to fall aslp alr. [i will but still..]

i think i saw smth i sldn have
& it's freaking affecting me now.
angry with myself for being so _______?
guilty coz it seems so much my fault someone's so upset now.
wait. not someone. 2 ppl are involved.

stupid girl.
u sldnve started all this nonsense.
lk why th hell do u have to walk into all these screwups in th first place?

fking angry with myself now.
superduper.
& being stupid, im so angry im crying again
_|_

yawns.. im still slpy despite waking up 3hrs plus ago.
wonder how im gna survive in school.
4friggin hours of lessons every morning.
YAWWWNNS!

&thsuckiestthing..
im feeling apprehensive now
is taking htm really th right choice?
grrr..
if it isnt im screwed.
just have to complete it no matter what
hope it gna be alright.
>.<

hugs.

im gna slp alr.
super tired.. but i miss being hugged to slp D:

&baby, im sorry i told u wad my parents thot.
still loving u super duper loads(:
love me too ohkays?

nitenites

>.< feeling bored&slpy now.
flustered too..
tday gna be my last day of freedom i supp.
super grossed out by th fact tt school's starting alr
yet, im looking forward to it still.

grr..
im so hard to please.

currently missing baby loads
duper jialats..
wun be getting to see him so much REAL SOON
D:
sads.

&JIAYOUYT(:

oh yes..
I SO FRIGGING NEED A MP3.
2 alternatives.. get my old one fixed or get a new one.
kinda lazy to go all th way to tohguan to fix it leh..
but i lk it ALOT.. tt it's pink&pretty>.< BUT IM LAZY!

& IF i gna buy a new one, i so do not know wad i want>,<
thot of ipod but no pretty colours leh..
michelle suggested ipod touch but RAWR!
no pretty colours too!

grrrr..
ohwells, i'll just settle th $$ issue first.
o,O

yting is ANGRYANGRYANGRY now.
thankgod i blogged only now or th number of "ANGRY"s gna increase significantly.
RAWRRR..
srsly.. WAD'S WRONG WITH MY PARENTS?!
damnit. my bf, not theirs.
GRRRRRRRRRRR

anw, im glad to say im still alive&kicking after orientation day2.
mainly coz i managed to make afew friends!
weets! yingting FINALLY got frens xD
HELLO WANTING,KERRY,SHIRLEY,WEIFEN etc
oh yes, credits to michelleP tt i survived toos!
i loner-ed till th LT presentation, skipped Regatta [good thing or i think i gna get sunburnt>.<] & was w/ baby aft tt
totally<3 tt silly no matter wad my parents say.

&im looking forward to th start of lessons.
[ohmigod.. is tt really me?!]
maybe i gna change my mind on sun night(:

shall just conc on missing baby in meantyme.
wonder if he gna sneeze xD
HOHOHO

hey dere! bet u guys were wondering how th crazy me survived first day of orientation rites?
great news: im still alive
bad news: ive still yet to make any frens i can get along with & yea.. orientation was a SUUUUUPER painful process which rendered me whinning constantly.

kinda antisocial-ed everyone and ignored wdv was going on, spending tyme with my hp mostly.
it was as tho th hp was my life or smth, th way i kept checking back for msgs/ making calls.
it's freaking horrendous not having th Usuals by my side & not quite allowed to hang arnd by myself.
wonder how tmr gna be lk. it's alr feeling lk ive had enough of oreintation to last me an entire lifetime.
im not kidding. it's just THAT bad.

& blogging w th more well-known side of me,
i just wna say "WKAO! y htm guys lk relatively cute but those in my class are lk..."
hahas!
ohkays la.. i shant be tt bad.
think things gna be fine afterall, at least... Hopefully tho im not feeling quite optimistic abt it.
guess i need more time.

mmm.. who cares..
slping with baby was nicenice tho.. xD

now for th special thx(:
MICHELLE,CHINHUI:
for trying to cheer me up during orientation and for peiing me on th fone while i was feeling lk some dumb loner. it's lk.. if not for u peeps, i gna have cried more>,< & being spammed by my msgs complaining abt being an outcast aint exactly nice laa.. thx horh!

BABY:
for putting up with my stupid attitude&tantrums. sorry i pissed u off D: thx for th loves(: kinda thot i pissed u off enough for u to dump me alr >,< maybe. but still..

hellos world!
im off to orientation-,-
hopefully i gna be ok lol!
wish me luck.

off to brave 1.5hrs journey ALONE

-yawns- morning peepo!

& HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED MOMOK CLARINESIM(:
congrats on being 17 xD nxt yr u gna be able to watch m18 shows before me..
not fair therefore shall consider if i wna buy pressie for u. HOHOHOHOHO

going on perhaps soon.
gotta do some stuffs & mit t birthday girl to acc her shop for others' presents.
suuper ironical huhs xD

super irritating..
got to do some light makeup today coz i so fking look lk a ghost.
maybe a Poonda spirit.
shall be considerate and not scare ppl upon stepping out of th house.
see, im nice afterall!
duuper!

cjbD! cheerups k?
so funny tt ure texting me while outside th class for not finishing ur hwk.
HAHAHA!
if i can, so can you de! jiayous!
& cya in school tmr horh.. u btr not mc or wad. i MURDER
which reminds me tt i was right to condemn RVIP yr5tchers
DUMBASSES! lk making students go out of th class wld make them complete hwk.
perhaps u need a map.
u wanted NewtownPri which is in Commonwealth right?(:

sooooo looking forward to all th fun&laughter ltr xD
i mean, enjoy before th semester starts mahs!
Floorball tmr?
maybe not. but definately heading to school
school uniform again?
NO WAY lol! unless ive got absoulutely nth else to wear.

TRALALAS!
housework tyme now. FUN TIME UP NEXT

was it wrong to take an ans srsly?
i was super serious when i asked & so was it really my fault i took th ans as it was?
you said yes to It. & since i believed it, wad mre cld i have said?
tt i didn want to break up?
much as i dont want to, we still gna end it if u were alr thinking of dumping me. wont we?
& so what more cld/sld i have said?

i didn mean to appear so nonchalant abt it but it's a fact tt not both parties have to agree to a break up yea?
since i believed you, i guess i didn wna drag things on lk some of my prev exs.
apparently, nth gna change.
& if tt qn i asked was supp to have an obvious ans(No), it's undeniable tt breakups can be super sudden isnt it?
is it tt hard to take such issues srsly or was evt just a joke to u?

reassurance?
where th hell was it?
my fault to have let my thoughts wonder. my fault to have been so stupid to believe u when u were merely taking my question as a joke. my fault to let th feeling of insecurity kick in & get th better of me. all my fking fault for not trusting/believing in you enough-you nv expected me to anyway.
everything's my fault, even for crying.
for screwing up over a JOKE.

i wonder if u left her crying so easily lk it doesnt concern you last tyme. really.
yet again, she was so much btr right?

im sorry for being so nonsensical, so direct in this post
just had to get everything out despite it going to become my fault if someone gets pissed over it and everything screws up for good.
just take it as my childish, irresponsible ranting when im ~~pissed/upset/disappointed~~/_______?

&then, so what even if i still love you?

feeling kinda pissed off now coz dere's a green creature in my room.
tho it's super small, it's lk UGLY.
Green w red spots.
& worse still, it's some stupid beetle.
tt's not th worst yet.
it's t fact tt i dont freaking know where tt dumb insect is>.<
SUPER DUPER ANGRY.
dont lk to have my privacy invaded by things lk tt.

fine. i admit it. im scared of tt puny idiot.
GRRRRR

-end of insect rant-

went out shopping w mum today despite it being....
& guess wad..
i found out tt my aunt&uncle bought my grandparents a condo unit in Kovan.
lk so nice of them(:
now granny&grandpa gna have a nice house when they retire.

im gna save loads of $$ and work real hard nxt tyme
gna do th same for my mum&dad.
buy a super nicenice one and furnish it w comfy furniture
Lalas.
JIAYOU YTINGG!

BabyMel
happy 1st mth ann<3
sorry i cldn go out w u tho..
gaaaahs>.<

still loving u loads tho
dont forget to love me back too! xD

im bored..
yes, AGAIN.

maybe it isnt tt obvious but just look at th no of quizes i did on facebook.
super looks lk ive got nth btr to do
& damnit for being true.

my last few days of hols lehh..
RAWRR
i need a condusive way to spend them
FUNFUN&moreFUN sounds good xD
but highly unlikely.

sighs.
wdv...

SUPER MISSING BABY now
someone rej my kiss just now.
make me sad>.<

mean but still loved xD

gaaaahs>.<
it's just one of th days i gna whine abt how much i hate being a girl.
&so, WHY CANT I BE A GUY?
i sosososososo freaking hate th cramps every single month.
damnx.
cant blame me for ranting on and on abt this tday coz srsly, it's freaking troublesome trying to do things while curling up.
grrrr... not exactly comfy typing away in some awkward position if u get wad i mean.

WHY CANT I BE BORN A GUY luhhs..
i dont see guys having to suffer lk tt & it's soosoosooo UNFAIR.
rofl.

hmms...
if i were a guy...

#1 i wld most prolly play soccer or be too sissy to make proper guy frens
#2 havta jio gals [i rather be jioed most of th tyme]
#3 NO HUGS AND KISSES FROM PROPEE
#4 shopping trips w CLARINE =gone
#5 MELVINLIM most prolly wun be my babyy anymore. & i doubt he gna love me coz he aint gay.

blahblahblah..

i conclude tt im thankful im a girl afterall.
but..
CAN TH CRAMPS FREAKING SHOO[/fk] OFF?

rawrrs...

tooodaaas!
currently rotting at my cous shop while waiting for propeePMS to come xDD
COMPANION! <333

looking forward to meeting my bestest dearest ltr
missing tt fat pig loadsloads>.<
hugskisses&loves

& I WNA COMPLAIN!
dumbasses have been sending me MafiaWars invitations on tagged.
grrrr..
freaking getting on my nerves coz my mail inbox is SUUUUPER flooded with them
if i wanted to play, i wldve done so on facebook alr.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

pissified. stupid tagged

i wish i knew wad's going on.
"acting this way"? how?

true i said tt it was fine.
but cld i say otherwise?
oh wdv.
my choice.

missing th girls loads.
at least, going out with them's always crazy xD

freak tt weather.
it's making me super gloomy + feel lk crying
esp when im im in some dark surrounding >,<

zzZ
im just lazy to turn t lights on so yea...
emo time i suppose..

im so sorry my mood's affecting others too.
reallie.

& perhaps..
maybe not.. [to be continued mentally]

th past shapes th present & th present shapes th future.
why must evt be linked?
SO IRRITATING.
but yet again, it explains evt doesnt it?

gaahs.. i shall stop before i get more random. xD

im starting to think tt im suuuper hard to please.
know why?
i keep changing my mind abt stuff >,<

currently killing my brain cells trying to think of what to do at my cousin's shop.
duuuper -.-
ive given up wondering wad music to play alrd.
moving on to watch Akai Ito on asianrice.tv xD
hopefully i rescued my braincells.

& back to th topic.
basically, im thinking real hard to come up with smth to do now & i hate it
yet when im given loads of stuff to do, i hate it too.
zzZ
coz it murders my braincells having to organise what has to be done FIRST
grrrrr

IRRITATINGG.
fine.. im just cranky.
pms maybe..

guess wad.. i just heard abt th netball vs floorball thing
=.= totally...
time's better spent trgning to be th champs in nationals thn nursing a bruised ego for merely being one of th top teams.
wdv for? th glory of doing well in smth else tt others "specialise" in?
step back into reality.
it just isnt YOUR game(,yet).
join th floorball recruitment in yr5 alright? xD

omg yting.. stop being silly.
you were fine weren't you? laughing and bitching away
&so..
WTF's with th tears over a song? it isnt even some suuper touching mv.
just a random blog song.
quit being dumb.

-im just nuts la!-

450th post xD

suuuper duuper tired but im still awake.
damn zzZ
cant rmb wad i wna update abt.
-yawns-

oh wait..
i rmb le xD
STUPID FUCKING ANTS.
recently dere's been lk a freaking hell lot of ants with wings in my living room.
damn pissifying luhs.
looks lk lizard shyt on th wall when i look w/o my specs on.
gross to th max.

hope smth lk an antpidemic will wipe them all out.
grrr

i was pissed. & i still am.
but over what exactly?

i wish i meant it when i told myself not to care.
SCREW IT.
i hate this.

PROPEE, i so desperately need a hug now

im satisfying my urge to blog, finally.
been having this urge but i was too lazy to>,<
kinda sad,restless,moody yet alil high at th same tyme.
think im going nuts..

wanted to bring bro to bugis ytd evening but he wanted to go geylang.
ROFL
freaking dotted.
& i gna have to treat him to swensens coz...

I MADE HIM WALK DOWN AN ALLEY ALONE while i followed a dist behind.
it was FREAKING HILARIOUS.
he freaked out when a lady approached him.
poor thing... said he feel violated but still, it was suuuuper funny xD
im evil.
but not quite.
to make up to him, i had to stand at a walkway.
grrrr..
still, we're two looneys ^^
still, it was worthwhile to him coz he gained some insights too, while i was w baby -winks-

ohyes... typing away, i finally rmbed y i got so moody other thn coz im missing baby way too much>,<
IVE GOT TO GO JI BAI MY PATERNAL GRANDFATHER.
not trying to be disrespectful but really, im not close w him at all.i mean it..
ive got more thn enough fingers and toes to count th no of tymes i met him.
total conversation tyme? <60mins
sry, i may seem unfilial but those who are close to me knows th reason y i dont feel any bond/obligation to relatives on my father's side.

oh yes.. back to th subject.
it means i have to wake up freaking early tmr.
for what exactly am i sacrifcing slp for?
ynoe.. when u pray u gna have to lk "communicate" w whoever ure praying to.
& so what am i supp to say to my ahgong?
"ahgong zao an. wo shi LS[my father] de nuer. ni hao ma? na li tian qi hao bu hao? you mei you ren pei ni play mahjong" meh?! no rights?
ive nv said anth other thn ahgong, ni hao ma?/ happy new year & these two sentences barely fit th context rite?
each tyme, i dont get a reply other thn a NOD.
lk he will reply me even if th spiritual realm exists.
i mean.. IVE NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE MADE PROPER CONNECTION WITH HIM.
btw, no thanks. tts if he choses to appear and nod to me. i'll gladly forgo tt.

in conclusion, even if i went, dere's no meaning behind it.
& i doubt he even rmbs me. it's true.

goddamnit.
hope im let off.

yes,im not aslp yet xD
had a bowl of instant wanton soup to satisfy my craving for cooked chinese food.
im so gna gain weight again >,<

just deleted part of my msn contacts lk th random dingdongs who added me for th sake of adding mre pple, those irritating suckers & ppl in rv i reckon i wld NV talk to again other thn my ex classmates etcetc.
accidentally deleted eugene tan's contact as well.
super zZ
i was merely contemplating whether to delete or not and in my deleteing spree, i realised it was gone too late.
ps lorhs.
but at least i dont have to kill my brain cells over this tho it's kinda mean >,<

spent ytd aftn trying hard not to melt.
th weather nowadays suck.
grrrrr...
met babylove etc.
gaaahs..
i so freaking love tt sillybaby.
& ...
thx baby<3
im missing him sosososososososo much

GAAAAHS

oh yes, im really glad evt's ok alrd

boonkeong laoda's made up his mind to go back to msia
JY LAODA!
xiaomei gna miss u de

Hello baby♥

updating before i zoom off to play w/ SIMS2
im soooooooooo bored -yawns-
kinda sad over some stuff &..

IRRITATED coz ive run out of clothes to wear.
grrrrrr..
so much for being nagged at whenever i wna buy clothes tt i will wear.
._.

&im sorry im such a bitchslut....

lalas! kinda neglected blogging for quite awhile.
shall start with a super kuku foto xD

baby's damn cute rites? <3
feel lk phtotshopping away my face. GAAAHS

met up with baby tday at AMK etcetc.
I STILL WANT MORE HUGS&KISSES
im greedy x,x
<3
tt oink with nicely coloured grass[hair] gna slp soon.
toodaas!

&&& guess what..
im a super good gal to have don housework before heading out xD
BUT
i got super irritated by th numerous ants living in my house.
nth for them to eat they oso come.
kope some pieces of random food oso song. zzZ
dont lk them=(
hope they disappear soon

lastly, CASS AND PROPEE! CHEER UP
YTING LOVES YOU!
-hughug-

baby, dont be jealous coz ure loved too

ohyes, i just rmbed it's AF day._.
HAPPYBDAYQINHUI [tho u aint gna c it]
hahas!

sld have gone play mj with linjia&friends.
in a fking bad mood now but still controlling my temper.
my fault.

feeling kinda moody now.
considering if i really wna go out.
cant find my clothes.

& did i tell u?
IM STUCK WITH A WHOLE LOAD OF CLOTHES IM NV GOING TO WEAR
mum came back from china with this them. thx mum
but i aint gna wear more thn half of them.
i lk my hoodie tho xD
thinking of it made me happier ^^

& so i shall go out afterall.
who cares if im just going to emo alone or smth..
th gals got trgn tday & i dont.
-shrugs-

shall see where my mood brings me.

damnit.
all i wna do is to go out with my sillyboy but well...
forget it lurhs.

freakfreakfreak.
stupid AFday.

PPP, i want a hug;(
& i wna do loads of crazy things with u now..

missing baby loads now.
gna do hsework & most prolly head out alone.
wanted to ask him out but since he wna slp, nvms xD
PIG!

some random thoughts led me to th2ndBlog
gaahs.
freak it.

~~Floorball today(:~~
JIAYOU peeps!

yting l.

Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things.

love lies.

A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing.
I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:).
S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue.

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