nth worth believing in

been sleeping quite alot and letting my mind drift lately.
not bad to be dozing off and thinking abt random 'cept tt ive got 3 papers to study for. & bad news, im screwed for real this time round.
annoying? yes.

havent been meeting baby these days. & it's been really long since we last saw each other.
渐渐的, 我习惯了没有他在我身边, 习惯了一个人想怎样就怎样.
我知道这样对他很不公平但是我真的已习惯没有他陪伴我的世界.
因为孤独, 我让自己被别人感动.即使我和另一个他不可能在一起.
另一个他爱的不是我可是我们依然很亲密. 甚至到了有点彼此依赖的境界.
这么做确实有点贱也非常不应该,但是我却没有停止的决心.

做了这样对不起爱我的人的事, 对的选择该是向他坦诚和分手吧?
可是我好自私.我想把他留在身边
i know he's th one who loves me nearly th most. & that he will always be thr tho not quite th way i hoped he was.
我讨厌自己利用他来保护我.但是我认为他不知道这些事对他会比较好吧..
毕竟,他忽略我对他而言是有我必须理解的原因. 是我这个宠坏的真的无发接受他所给的理由.

you knw, i think i kinda regret getting into a "official" rs.
whn things were just "thr but not quite thr yet", thrs so much more freedom with les expectations attached to a rs.
any thing tt falls short can be brushed off with simply "he/she's not my bf/gf la. cnt expect tt much" and things tt go well are bonuses.
i miss life lk tt tho whn things are as such, i grow to resent th insecurity.
th world really cant be perfect uh?

i wish i can just slp and evt will be sorted out whn im awake.

im annoyed at myself.
for not studying
for disappearing everytime
for not knowing whn to come out of my own world

dont know wht to do.
been screwing up lately.
only thing now is to pick myself up and do things right from now.
but i dont know how.
there's smth horribly wrong w me and it feels horrible not knowing what i can do to make things right.
im just not normal like normal ppl are and so i cant expect ppl to accept me th way i am.
i have to make myself normal but i think ive been anything but normal th past 5years plus.

alot of growing up to do.
alot of thought-ironing to be done.
i dont feel lk facing th world until im ready but i cant just hide.
so many things to be put right.

fucked

what's tht feeling?

working ltr @ 4pm.
i think im supp to be excited at th prospect of being in a new environment but somehow, i feel more lk lazing my day away. tsk.
meeting baby at 3 but im not even in th mood to prepare myself to step out of th house. tsk again.

i think i see fats accumulating on me.
getting upset?pissed off? idk.
staring at th fats make me feel lk crying.

i just want to keep myself at home and not go out so noone will see my fats.
oh.. and my pimple-filled face.
freak me=(
'
& i forgot to mention. someone upgraded th internet thing (which means its supp to be faster right?) no. it's slower and idk whether to be pissed or irritated.

lotslotslots of updating(:

paintball/pain ball?
on wed w A,Wm,By,I,Jk,J,R
super fun tho we kept losing to th other half xP
& i tell u... paintball bruises are damn painful. still got big ugly bruises on me now.
dnt think jason's faring any btr. he got th most and worst hits.
dinner @ Chong Pang. intro-ed Izzy to some of th more famous hawker center food.
pool& home-d
I STILL LOVE PAINTBALL THO!

job interview w Bao & Izzy-thurs
shopping after tt w Izzy @ bugis.
Iz is unglam ttm LOL! (G2000 bazaar sale. Shh...)
Yoshinoya-d for dinner. Lk finally. been aaages since i ate beefbowl . LOVES!
baby was w us too. & hmm.. he was our personal porter for th day. totally had to carry our shopping.

friday dating & drinking games
baby bought me lots of sweets! sweetsweet(:
made me a happy girl.
dinnered w th girls at Skypark (Vivo)
havent been there since lk RVdays.
Peepee uhh.. i miss Sushitei-ing w u lehh....
played 5-10 and indian poker w th vodka & sprite they had from their day at sentosa.
tsktsktsk.. secret uh!

work & Xingwang ytd was fab.
tho i spilled a glass-.- again.
& there's another quarrel w my dad.
Fk it totally.

Random Heartbreak.
i know im nt supp to be having such weird emotions.
but somehow, i feel inadequate.
as a gf to him.

egg-cited(:
see, my life so far has been funfun&moreFUN.
it's just tt money's flying out and not coming in yet.

paintball session ltr for the first time ever-for Izz & i xD
anticipating bruises(:
& im updating while waiting for Izzy. we were supp to meet th others at 1 but uhhh.... we overslept. & tt da xiao jie still taking her own swt time xP

o9/o8-Singapore Day! (National day, i noe..)
NDParty @ Izzy's w oni 3 ppl xp
had a wonderful 1main+3sides (quoted from her bro) & desert meal
Izz cooks nicenicenicenicenicenicenice food!
i think i just made it sound lk we pigged out on national day but we didnt ok! food was just a major part of it =P

anw, we had cienna & moscato but me being me (the lousy drinker) oni managed to have approx 1/2 bottle of cienna while Jason & Izz finished th other 2.5 x.x
& they were trying to train me to drink & didnt allow me to pee. TSK
baby come over to meet me (actually i made him come to accompany me home) & saved me from more drinking. sweet right? i noe (;

1o/o8
movied with rayna & izz.
we caught PCK! and it was HAHAHAHHAHA. 'nuf said.
Had dinner w Adele&WuMan, BaoYi&Valynn
poor rayna kept getting laughed at by th cranky Izz for being the "ai mai ai mai" guy
Tsk..
&&&... Izz was super glamourous ytd w Killer heels tt killed her feet xP

im sooosooosooooo sleepy now. IZZY SHOULD HURRY UP

hmms.. i havent been blogging for aaaaages huh...
been up to sooooo much, soooo inclined to blog abt them but am too lazy xP

anw, ive been hanging out loads.
since after th last ssm session or even before tt.

watch soccerer's apprentice w momok once & w Isabella&Jason again.
caught Salt w Iss & Jason too xD
both are awesome shows. I like.

had so many first times these weeks.
1. ate at Aston's. (sounds OMG ARE U SURE. but yes, i ate there th first time ever w Iss & Momok)
2. Had purple highlights in my hair (it's starting to fade to red alr but they were brilliant! loveeee)
3. clubbed (my first time ever was pretty much awesome and of course, Super memorable. YAY)

been slacking at Isabella's alot.
even fell aslp there once when we were supp to go out instead.
and ive been enjoying fooood at her house. MWAHAHAHA!
iloveburmesefood(:

uhm.. actually i cant really rmb what ive been up to.
im sooo slpy now. goodnight(:

& i updated finally

yting l.

Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things.

love lies.

A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing.
I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:).
S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue.

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