nth worth believing in

should get outta bitch mode. let bygones be bygones.
sorry ah... much as i want to meditate and slp through my angst-state, i think th ppl involved does not deserve my forgiveness. they dont upset me anymore but the fact that they upset me previously is making me bloody upset (hahaha! see im so upset i used the word "upset" so many times)
oh well, i'll just rant though this happened long ago during my internship.
it's just a mix of racism and favoritism which i know is inevitable in the workplace but rly, since when does "may the odds be always in your favour" not work on someone more capaable?!
i mean.. if i were stupid-er than the bodoh involved (let's just call her NK), i dont mind if the managers dislike me BUT WTF, THEY FAVOURED HER OVER ME WHEN I WAS DOING HER JOB FAR BTR THEN HER AS A INTERN VS FULL-TIMER
it makes me think that some ppl are rly blinded by skin colour. coincidentally the 2 mgrs who favoured th bodoh was the same race as her. & to think i though given their expertise, they would hv far btr judgement.

anw bottom line. i humbly accept that im at fault and i asked to be biased against with my "forever fighting back" attitude. ya. i nearly landed myself w a warning letter when i refused to admit to a fault which clearly was not mine to begin with. the narcissistic individuals accused me of to protect their kind & i ws like.. ok fuck, wdv u say since i do not respect u the least bit already.

I went right back and put her through hell during the last lap of my internship. payback is sweet :)
long story short, turned the entire front office dept against her & well, eventually she trf to housekeeping where one of the mgr who ill-treated me was trf to. good for them. they can hook up w each other.

lalas. im happier after ranting

im blogging because im in some mixture of euphoria and horror after mindfucked by my thoughts.
most of you wld probably have read that Xiaxue's pregnant in her most recent blogpost (wait.. what am i talking abt.. i bet it's trending on twitter Lol)
Saw her announcement on insta and im lk.. REALLY?! bad mistake not scrolling down instead. i didnt hv anth to do while waiting for th bus home so i ended up reading her blog -.- rly salute her for how she wrote a post like that in her usual light-hearted humour. but goddamnit. ive to admit i was rly touched by its simple contents. which eventually led to this.
ohkay. i think th whole world knows im not a huge fan of babies/kids. in fact, im very much terrified by what most ppl identify as the cutest, most angelic category of human unless im married to a rather handsome, middle aged, wealthy angmoh. yes. i just dun find myself being particularly attracted to kids of any other races. i find them cute when they are on their best behaviour but rly, ive never rly been mesmerized by them.(im sorry i sound like a racist, unloving bitch but it was also part of th reason why i eventually broke up w a rly sweet guy. no. i didnt dump him cause he's not an angmoh. he was just too fatherly it freaked/annoyed th hell outta me)

now you probably hv some idea on why im here. i.think.it's.not.a.bad.thing.to.hv.a.kid.anymore. fmlwhatshappeningtome
i may have gotten curious about how it feels lk to have an ultrasound,listening to some weird heartbeat in me & life as a mummy. or uhm.. a happy family life w boyfried (omg baby, pls dont freak out and dump me yet. u noe i will probably just stick not not wanting a kid eventually) & wdv complete life after marriage sorta idea.
but i think if i rly were to have a kid in future, i'd wish for a son who resembles boyfriend from his appearance to the person he gna be. maybe just have my eyes cause i think my eye shape nice *oops* but look lk daddy. & rly, pls dont be short like me or have my character and messed up hormones. it's rly nice to have a lil boy like him.
*slap myself*
I AM NOT WISHING FOR A KID. sorry. lemme undo my thoughts and stick w my usual ideal lifestyle. im happy adopting inanimate objects (refer to my blue chaps for what i mean to say).
breathe.

just lemme get back to normal. i wonder if The Secret works. like if i wish hard enough not to ever have a kid, it will come true right? ok.. just bear w my ignorant babbling. dk how tt works. nv read it & if it doesnt work this way, let me chance upon a meteor shower so i can unwish wishing for a kid.

*knocks head on wall* goodnight

Here i am, as requested.
heh. actually ive been meaning to blog but hv just been waaay to lazy.
another reason y ive been trying to delay it until im out of th cottoncandylove mode.
*cant freaking believe i made a collage. goddamn i must be having a fever.

, le boyfriend's started working & i think we're both trying to get used to the fact that he now holds a regular job. i just spend random moments that im not preoccupied w work wondering how he's holding up & then realizing that im probably worrying too much because ive nv dated a guy who works full time before.
yes. rub ur eyes again. no. it hasnt changed. hv nv dated a guy who works full time.
then again, im rly rather proud of him for doing well for his interviews & not being a lazybum wasting his days away after ord. grown up much eh? :P *baby, i know u shy liao. so i shall stop.. u know what i mean to say la*
& then, there was our 3rd mth. im rather amazed.
& then again, we had our usual crankymoods.
but then again again, we still love each other.

lmao.
im blogging lk a kid.
probably cause.. no wait. HOPEFULLY cause im slpy.

you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view- until you climb into his skin and walk around in it - Harper Lee, to kill a mockingbird
if that's the case, im afraid i would never understand you in a lifetime
because i wld nv understand all that ideology.

is it ok if i only know that our love is real?

yting l.

Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things.

love lies.

A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing.
I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:).
S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue.

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