nth worth believing in

在夜深人静时一个人落泪的感觉真的很不好受.
我决定忘记一切了=)

bedtime.
hope alwin's fine.

Fun-ed xD

Sentosa-ed with 1ho4 clique & i didn get darker tho kh got tanned.
bought a whole load of chips and stuffs we didnt finish >.<
PICTURES!

summary: water time, sabo-ed shirley, swam to "islet" w Charissa & K, laughed at Char for losing th shells we picked, truth or dare in th water (minus kh cause she didnt bring extra shorts), Wavehouse for eye-ing angmohs, Pastamania, failed attempt to watch movie, forever21 (with Shirley only).

WWW & movie soooooon!

fun time passes soooo fast!=(

just updating so u know im not dead yet tho i very much wish to be.

totally bombed thruout first paper (OB)
hope i gna get some points here and there and not fail x.x
black paper chicky chop CHOMPCHOMP!-ed w Charissa, Jane and Kh in design after paper.
had a fun time gossiping w C abt th parts i hate abt F&B =)
really dun feel lk it anymore but can earn dollars w/o using brains so.. hmmm..

slpt on th way home from tamp to redhill(overshot >.<)
cabbed home cause it was so freaking hot i didn wna wait for 6mins for th train/ godknowshowlong for 33 xP
i sld stop cabbing on impulse

slpt again at home and I JUST WOKE UP.
now u noe y i rather had died in my slp.
i noe NUTZX abt econs.

When i said goodbye, i meant it for a period of time.

"my foot got assaulted by a can of campbell soup which jumped off some high shelf. damnit for being hyper, damn me for being clumsy."

i think some of my braincells got killed at th same time cause i mixed tt bit of blood w antiseptic cream and was delighted tt t substance looked sort of pinkish xD
can totally momok going EEEEEW!

im starting to get irritated over y blood has to be red and not pink.
th bloodbank gna look soooo much prettier no?
i wna sentence my thots to jail so they wld stop running away.
so much trouble concentrating >.<

anyone wna bring me clubbing aft exams?

--1635hrs---
holding myself tgt.
tonite, bluey gna have to do th job alr.
i feel lk spending th nite at some guy's house to be hugged to sleep for real.
fat hope.

dont know wad im crying over. stress maybe? maybe not.
i wun say anth tt might change anth.
time to stand back, for real.
im fine being single.
id find someone who loves me and who i can love truely again someday=D

concentrate on studying. time's running out, nth's done. no more crying. btr nt cry tonight otherwise im half screwed tmr.

ive been waiting for th post-exams period since half of 1.2.
just a bit more of holding myself tgt.
2 more days 2 more days.. (:

At this point of time, i'll categorize taking my life under mercy killing.

paper tomorrow morning 0930 hours.
studying majorly undone.
anxiety has yet to kick in.

im really asking for trouble.
i can predict my dying process. it's slow and unmerciful as i count the ever-increasing number of marks im losing while trying to crap out answers in attempt to squeeze another measley mark towards the passing line.
im not asking for much.
give me GPA 2 for all i care but DONT LET ME RETAKE ANY PAPERS.

life now is somewhat similar to missing 69 on the morning you have SSM and have only 15mins left before some teacher unleashes hell on you for being late.
ask HTM/LRM/ CCM ppl if u dno what im talking abt.
yet, im still acting lk i can teleport (no fear, just a lil teenyweeny bit of panicking over whether my hair gna cooperate/ get me into trouble)
>.< >later by 7am. HAHA?

My ever-changing temper:)

threw a massive tantrum cause i skipped my fave part of th day as a result of nt having enough $$ to cab down.
pretty pissed abt it.
MIA-ed some peeps just to suit my mood(:
bad thing: im nt feeling bad abt it yet.

KFC-ed alone.
attempted to study but failed.
calmed down finally when i started reading in th library.
got happy when M came to find me xDD

stressed now cause im nt studying as much as i sld have.
im slpy alr.

quite random but i was listening to luoZhixiang's songs.
his voice seems sort of more manly in his newest album uhh?
go compare xDD
i prefer his "gentler" voice tho..awwwww...

(oh.. & i forgot to mention feeling pleased w myself for sleeping for 12-13 hours each day since thurs)

i guess i'll never learn.

woke up late.
screwed study plans.
& im so ill-disciplined i went to play w my nails.
tried sticking t fake ones on.
failed. now ive got glue residue on my nails.
super pissed w myself.
im scared my nails gna die.
=(

--1426hrs---
think im going a lil bit crazy.

was staring at my pink pen after blogshopping instead of studying when i suddenly got th idea of pushing t tip right into my skin.
thn tt hyperactive thot of mine jumped to slicing w a pink penknife.
wtfwtfwtfwtf,
nutsness >.< kinda disappointed when i realised there's no point going on a penknife hunt cause my hse doesnt have a stupid penknife much less a pink one. zzzz. now i feel lk thowing my hp away. or taking it apart. it's pissing me off. i dont know why. stupidxz. alr un-silent it alr. if anyone called/ there's a msg for me, i gna know rite? got to stop checking. i dont even know who i hope to receive a msg frm. stupidstupidstupid. get a life

--1949hrs---
random but slightly happier;)

happend to walk into th living room and tv was showing some sleague match.
stopped to watch and my mum went lk "since when u interested in soccer"
zzzness.
i'm nt into soccer yet luhh..
but soccer guys are sexy XD dont you agree w mee?
say yes! i dont care! soccer guys ARE <3

yt prefers soccer guys to bball guys!
tho i think i prefer bball to soccer.
hmphff... nvms.
sexy soccer guys xDD

maybe i'll change my mind to admire beach volley ball guys soon
SENTOSA ON WED! weets!

--2154---
Bye(:

last tears shed.
i chose & im going to stick to my decision, leave ur life.
no more crying for all tt ive walked away from, no more trying to hold myself back from asking if we cld get back tgt.
no more crying over you, th pain ive cause you.
no more yearning for ur hugs, kisses and scent.

i would stop covering myself up w ur jacket imagining u giving me warmth when i slp.
curling up w stitchy is good enough.
time to really let go tonight.

stop crying.
time to get my ass out of th house

two sides of the same story.

once, i met a weirdo made up of two sides which often fought to assume the role of who she really is.

the first time we met, i asked her "why does a guy choose to continue love and care for a person who hurt him, leaving those wounds open instead of moving on?"
she said "he's a fool. just leave him be and hope he wakes up to reality."

we happened to meet again. coincidence has it that i was troubled over the same issue.
realising it, she offered her perspective once again.
but this time, she said "treasure the guy for he loves truely loves you."

---
i cant go back to the past 'cause i know i'll never learn what it means to treasure a person.
i'd rather leave th wounds open thn attempt to heal them only to slash them open again.
i'm sorry.

--1111hrs---
im screwed 'cause im too moody to be studying.
wasted whole of ytd alr.
but i cant help it.
fk.

--2123hrs---
On a random note.

saw all his uploaded pics.
reminded of th silly boy i once loved.
i miss th xl face, tt kiddo smile. all tt used to belong to me as well.

im too distracted to study.
fug me.

GRRRRR!

zx is irritating mee!
rawrs to th max.
tmdknnbx )<

just had dinner.
his mum cooked. nicenice!!
BUT!
tht grrrrr person had to make me eat alotalot.
feeling freaking fat now.
what a meano -.-

study time.
sadsadsadsadsad. anyone wna cheer me up?
& sadsadsad factor 2: no M till next fridayyyy!!!! grrrrrr..

what a grrr period of time=(

i dont know why but im staring at the phone, wishing you wld text me despite knowing u dont share th same sentiments.
distractions *shakes head*

it's turning out all wrong.

left thinking it's t key to all th freedom i want.
yet, th happiness seems so short-lived.

part-time rs, part time joy.
not a heavy price to pay uhs?

i miss t past but im unwilling to walk back to th protective shell.
somehow, ive sealed my heart after evacuating its previous occupant.

sorry, th space aint available anymore.
at least for now.

i guess i never did realise how precious love is, having gotten it whether i want it or not.
(not trying to be bhb but it's a fact)
ive never been with someone i really waited for & i gave up searching/trying.
th longest ive really waited for someone (without getting into rs in between) is less thn 3weeks.
thought it simply isnt worth it if nothing comes out of it in th end.
im just used to being wanted whether im interested or not.
everything else seems redundant. (like why try so hard to get someone when there are others who are willing to dote on me?)

but i'm wrong & i realised it.
Thank you HM for letting me realise that with your tag and whatever you said tho u may be trying to put some other points across (lk how i think i wnat temp rs only)
yet, im still unwilling to step out of this shell.
Great.

Song for tonight,
Angels Cry- Mariah Carey

happy new year/vday?

it started off badly enough.
fk evt. if this goes on, i thnk i'll be dead by th year of rabbity.

irritating fk.
everything sucks to me now.

im angry w myself.

i want to stop getting injured.

being real stupid today. totally wtf..
knocked into objects t moment i woke up.
broke record: inflicting hurt on leg for 6x, elbows & hands for 4.
-rolls eyes-
left foot hurting cause i somehow knocked onto my bed. zZZ.

stopstopstop! i hate this stupidity.

& before i forget again,
KH, JANE, SHIRLEY locked me in the toilet last week.
totally LOL lor.. i thot t door was stuck >.<

tired.
bye.
interview tomorrow.
die.
kill me.

Thankyou for being always willing to be there for me despite everything.

Jwee, thankyou so much, really.
pls jy in wdv u got, soccer and all.
U uh.. silly little naughty friend of mine.
&&! big blue says hi! he wants u to do well too uhh!!

school's a bitch.
stupidly itchy bitchy bitch.
screwed up totally... zZZ

Mentally exhausted.

i dont know how long more i can hang on for.
lk what happened ytd, i ended up not studying much/ covering my target before i fell aslp.

fking screwed alr.
i dnt want this to get worse.

first & foremost, thankyou nameless, for pointing out my mistake.

i dont want u to be lk tt. yet, i cant give in cause i know myself so.

Jwee, i dont wna see you give up on urself cause of me, of our rs.
being w u was one of t best things ever & im sorry i had to be lk tt, to let go of wdv we built up.
i dont wna go back alr. ive hurt u too much.
& i know what i want for sure.

pls be happy too.
u'll be fine w/o me yea? u took care of me well & so tc of urself now alrights?

at the expense of studying (yet again),

new skin for th new year.
(:

i'm superb at wasting time.

it's confusing when u leave a person u loved so much for freedom and after evt, u wonder if it's right.
sorry jwee. tc of urself and rmb what i said alrights?
u'll find a better girl.

& we'll still be good friends rite?
&&. thx for evt, boy.

yting l.

Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things.

love lies.

A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing.
I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:).
S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue.

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