nth worth believing in

sounds a little saddistic..
but ppl who abuse animals ought to die the way they tortured our furry friends.
& moments leading to their death, i hope they remember what they did to give meaning to every inch of pain they are feeling.
the last thought they should have gna be "im so sorry. i sldnt have done that to u. i deserve this."

like those fuckers who set fire to a pup
they sld b trapped near the window of a burning building.
there wld b enough air not to allow them to die of suffocation first.
So they can feel themselves being burnt, knowing they are so close to being saved but noone's able to get to them.
let them experience how it's like to be literally burnt to death.

im sorry i feel too strongly about such stuff.

& so i spent the whole day with dearest :)
& he complained i didnt thank him for being supportive of my job...

So here i am, being grateful for having the bf i cld nv expect to have
From the time i saw him i had this random thought of how lucky it was to be his gf.
(he had this super pretty gf. ya.. he's well known for dating pretty girls so... i think i not bad also right? AHAHAH :X)
anw, we were super unlikely to get tgt la. his frens all stunned when they found out so im thanking my lucky stars he pa-jiao. LOL

anw.. thankyou bby for always trying to tolerate me, for trying to fulfill my wishlist.
(i think i can leave th "date an angmoh" part unfulfilled with such a doting bf)
although the temper and manners cannot maintain.. but nvm la.. close one eye.

xD
Loves!

ok exams coming.
im screwed.

but im looking forward to it.
#1 once it's over, it marks my last month in my current job
#2 once it's over, im going to start earning for penang trip expenditure
#3 once it's over, it means penang trip (time w Love & frens) is just 2 weeks+ away!
#4 once it's over, im free from torture until Jan

but in meantime, im rly screwed.

*grrr*

yes i do realise i only blog t two extremes. when things are troubling me, or when im ott euphoric abt some stuff in life.
it seems lk my life is painted only with black & white. absolutely no greys. sheesh.

anw, what's been up with me goes lk work sleep eat sleep school work eat sleep.
work dominates my life & it sucks considering im working in one of the most goddamn negative jobs ever. ok.. dont count being drafted to iraq or isreal (idk cant differentiate) or working as a funeral planner or volunteering for the underprivileged where you see sad things happening each day.
just saying negativity comes in different forms & handling fucked up idiots who screech and make hell lots of noise over things that are not my fault daily = life sucks.
it's lk all those motherfuckers out there have nothing btr to do than to make my life miserable & cause me to work more than im paid. ~~time's btr spent screwing their own mums and creating the next incest story on the newpaper no?~~
sometimes i rly feel lk telling them to shut the fuck up at get lost. otherwise i want to piss them off so bad they insist on speaking to a mgr so i dont have to handle them.
you get what i mean. maybe you dont.

well, im done there. sort of.. cause i think i found myself another job
*wheeeclapspopchampagne!* congratulations! free of misery! right?
no. nearly everyone's giving me grief over my choice of job.
all the stereotyping like "you very proud to work this kinda job isit?/ you want to make urself so cheap for what?/ let ppl touch very shiok meh?"
holyfuck. anyone who doesnt know wld think im strutting my stuff in the back alleys of geylang or chinatown or joochiat.

i wont deny this isnt a job whereby girls are prided for dignity and whatnots & feminists wld probably be fuming over the supposed degradation that comes with the jobscope but pls be fair.
we get grinded & touched in clubs for FREE. so what's all these talk about value?
(honestly i find hookers smarter & have more dignity than one-night standers. they are paid to pleasure. not hard up for pleasure they sleep with anyone else foc)
im sorry if we're not on the same page but im th sorta person who wonders whether we sld rage at a mistress who is putting in the effort to maintain her lifestyle& in the process breaks up a family or blame the wife who cant maintain her husband's fidelity. & I conclude that #1 it's th wife's fault + #2 tt guy's a douche. no loss anyway. no flaming the mistress on grounds of morality. she paid the price in getting what she wants in so many other forms it's a fair deal.

what im saying is, it's all abt decisions and perspectives.
to all you god-loving, pride-defending people: dont judge unless u can be certain that your family members and friends have never enjoyed the company of a "working girl" or non of them have been one their entire lives. i cant control the judgemental views of others but to be fair, let's just say those who still judge/ habour secret thoughts about this arent real friends anyway. because a job does not define who a person is.

anyway, merits of trying this job
-fast cash (even if i dont survive the probabtion period, im still paid for tt period so what's it to you?)
- hours allow me more flexibility in my lifestyle once my dayjob is safely out of my life.
- i will be spending more time at home because i will probably be slping mostly & by the time i wake up, it's good for dinner before prepping for work. meaning, i get to eat with ppl i care for
- u r paid for your efforts (justifiable payout based on ability and own achievements), not being expected to follow up as required by customer even if it is not ur shift anymore.

i rly dont see what so bad about being around merry-making people as compared to slaving for ohsoghigh&mighty bitches who think their monthly payment of$50-$150 (majority falls into this range) gives them the right to be so painintheass demanding.
my rationale is simple. my pay is not sufficient for me to put up with ur irrational demands and fucked up attitude you think you are entitled to with ur meagre spendings. say im paid $25/hr to listen to u & follow up, i'd do so gladly.
thing at least for now is im paid $20/hr (ok minus cab avg of $16/hr) to just to doll up and attempt to befriend people while doing my job.
& btw if customers buy, they spend much more than you. $15< for at max 10 mins. therefore i see more worth in time spent.
i get the point tt you dont get to touch me one single bit (oh my precious dignity) but affections vs negativity and anger, u choose. ps/ note no follow ups mandatory again

Anw im just ranting because im rly upset by the hot-cold attitude of some ppl & the half fucked support of family. Some ppl genuinely care. they dont judge but they are concerned abt my wellbeing even before i start this job (i appreciate that you see more to me than my focus on monetary gains in meantime) but rly, majority comment out of "care" because they judge.
i havent even started. for all you know i might hate the job. or i might just get fired so rly, containing ur thoughts and comments for the time-being isnt too much to ask for, right?
& assuming i mange to survive (slim chances actually), have you got nothing btr to do in ur life than to impose your thoughts on me?
otherwise, if u really care that much, do u have the ability to give me the money i cld otherwise have earned to attain what i want? even if you have it, wld you?
sad fact of life: no matter how much you love someone, we all lead our own lives. ultimately, we live for ourselves so i dont see why i should put up with ur bullshyts.

I'm sorry but this is how I am.
-Indecisive
-Reliant
-Lacking a mind of my own
-Constantly contradicting myself

I try to b that crazy, objective person people don't know me well think I am but I cnt stop myself from succumbing to t urge to rely on others for guidance. It's weird because I do know what I want all so well but find myself doubting t reality of my ideals.

I mean... what do they count if I'm doing things that go against my chances of achieving them?

我好累好难过。
不过只想找份让自己开心的工作。不过就想换个环境寻找新的体验罢了。难道这样的要求很过分吗？

yting l.

Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things.

love lies.

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I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:).
S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue.

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