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Wednesday, August 31, 2011
a post before i get started for th paper im supp to slp for & if im lucky, catch some slp in approx 10 hours (inclusive of travelling time). i knew i sldnt hv just alighted from the bus today despite plans to head to baby's hse for a lil snooze. bt for some unknown reasons, i felt so carefree after th split-second decision to make good my word of getting off simply because i was alr in a dilemma over th day's plans and th crowd on th bus made it worst. kinda over-rated to put it this way but somehow, i felt lk myself. th girl before i tried to be someone he wld love. giving up nv felt so enlightening, really. reading his text (i rly hv no idea wht motivation/ emotion lies behind them) & replying, i realised hw much we let things slip. it's irrevocable. i wondered if it was because i spent so much of our rs trying to forget patrick, making th already-short honeymoon period far more fleeting thn it alr was or if it was because i realised at some point that it just wasnt going to work out. Call it th lack of self esteem. Im neither rich, hot, pretty, extremely nice or smth, anth his exes are. if thrs any similarities in particular, i suppose its a safe assumption to say tt we're all bitches in one way or another. (i mean cmon, who doesnt bitch.. bt well, i may be wrong bt frm wht ppl say.. it's still not out of sorts to say tt) & for a thing im rly sure of.. i wld nv be th girl for him. From the start, even if Libra+Aquarius are th perfect match like 1+1=2, maybe this libra here wasnt meant to be with THAT aquarius. a part of th reason why we got tgt was simply because i wanted to prove it. frm th start, we were tgt for th wrong reasons. i out of curiosity (having nv met a guy lk him) + desire to see how far horoscopes compaitability can take us (or rather scorn at it) + th inkling of interest + slight hope of replacing Patrick. (i dont knw abt him. curiosity as well in many aspects?) whatever it is, i'd like to think that we truly tried, really cared at some point of time. it just wasnt enough. th girl wasnt hw he lked her to be & will nv be, vice-versa. or maybe.. recall hw i once said thrs so many versions of me i dont know wht th real yting is like anymore or tt yting simply isnt a single entity? maybe thrs a side of me which better meets his expectations bt i simply do not know whr she's hiding. perhaps i wld only be willing to be That girl after this entire episode. like how i couldve been th gal for M only after we broke up & he moved on, lk how th current version of Yting wld b th one V and patrick wanted more. its so confusing thinking of so many things at a time. im wondering whr th gal who cld commit unconditionally went, whether it was because i gave tt gal to th wrong guy & lost her totally. i wonder whn i turned into th bitch i am, th person who doesnt really care wht others think as long as i can do as i please. im trying to fit th pieces tgt, seeing if thrs a second or third chance for us & thn wondering why i even bother. for a guy who splurges whn out with his frens and cannot afford decent time w me without th condition of me paying? and for someone with whom i can maintain slightly pleasant conversation when th topic of potential carnal satisfaction is on. it sounds lk some kinda sick joke im losing myself in. lk i knw we let th rs slip bt hv no idea hw i even gt to this stage in wht seems more lk days rather thn months. i dont wnt desire laced kisses or lustful carasses.all i rly ever wanted was simply hugs which say "i will b thr for u" instead of "here's a reward/ im here giving u wht u wnt and u sld noe wht to do to keep it" bt as it seems, i screwed up too much. whts new.. |
yting l. 
Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things. love lies. A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing. I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:). S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue. May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 Designer : Chili. x o x o |