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Sunday, August 05, 2012
a cupcake without the sugar icing. one that's baked with salt. a far from pleasant post. stop reading, or take my words with a dollop of cream. i think thr's more thn enough "salt" in this cupcake of a post im going to rant in. i mean.. it's fcking 0337hrs nw so smth must rly be bugging me. 1. all that crap about love, trust, acceptance and happiness in being your true self. a whole load of bullshit. seriously. if it's all true, tell me why i have to constantly explain myself and face a whole load of stress simply in meeting up w frens. if it's all true, what i do & at what time doesnt matter. because it's just me to hang out at night, make impromptu decisions. & guess what, most of my frens are guys. since the start of this rs, it's always "i shouldve known btr thn to blahblahblah", "i shldve known u dont like me to blahblahblah" and yet i still blahblahblah. nearly everytime, i apologise for i know im not exactly the easiest person to understand, nor am i exactly "normal" as compared to most other people/ girls. bt rly, if it's so hard to accept the way i am, i cnt see how this rs's going to work out. I tried my best to tone done on doing things as and when i feel like it. you dont see me running off to club or drink as and when i feel like it. it's fully within my ability to & i knw u've given the go ahead but im also aware that you dont like the idea of it. as compared to clubbing/drinking, i think my impromptu meet ups with my male frens are completely within limits. wdv it is, had there been even a sliver of trust in me, or at the very least, trust in the love i have for you, we wldnt be quarreling or getting upset over me hanging out with my guy frens nearly every single time. it wouldnt matter whether the people i hang out with have a thing for me or not because i think i made it clear enough how much u mean to me & if u still dont believe in me, ive gt nth further to say. even if i did, whts th point? 2. actions speak louder than words. Hell yes. let's all swear by that statement, shall we? probably tt would help justify my rights to feeling upset, too. if any of my actions made you doubt in me, im sorry. but fairytale's over. ure not the only one feeling upset & disappointed because ur actions speak volumes of ur lack of respect towards me, much less the love you proclaim. for a start, bitch-slapping me in front of ur frens is just low. so me hanging out with frens without your approval becomes simply "out with guys", "cock excuses" and other things u hv said to create the impression that im flirting arnd, moonlighting and shyt. tell me how the fuck this is fair to me. forchristsake, i was purely out with friends and i dont think i deserve to be judged by your frens for it. in taking this way out of context and phrasing it in accordance to how you feel to a grp u noe respects and supports you, show how much u value me. u hv no idea how much i wish i cld just lash out right back at you in the same chat log but i did not. i despise myself for nt standing up for myself. & i believe im more disappointed in you for casting me in that situation than you ever are in me. tell me you love me and expect me to believe you when u can so cruelly display only ur side of the story to ur dear frens for me to be judged on a whim. im amazed i cld still respect you enough to take it to a personal conversation. i can only deem ur demand for me to be a regular, normal gf unreasonable if you cnt give me the same. tell me how a gf has to sneak in and out of your house is normal. when ure done justifying this, tell me why i cnt have a normal, loving boyfriend like other girls and yet have to be fully committed like they are. other girls can be spending quality time with their boyfriends because their bfs take time out to meet them regularly after work, hang out with them, shop with them etc. im not saying you dont do so but rly, other couples spend way more time tgt. it's like they have so much time tgt they got more than enough moments to take for granted while i have to feel grateful for you accompanying me to shop etc. dont give me th crap abt gfs going to their bfs homes regularly. difference is, they visit while i sneak in, afterwhich im more or less confined to ur room. what gets at me most is, if u do not have time to accompany me, i cnt justify how u are entitled to being upset when i spend time with others. couples club tgt- you dont like the crowd, fine. i cnt club with my frens- overrated. couples hang out tgt late at night. you dont do it, I OBVIOUSLY DO IT WITH MY FRENS. isnt it plain selfish to make me stop doing things because you dont do them? lk am i supposed to hang out alone and spend alone time simply because you are not willing/able to go out with me? love, commitment, respect. mere words yea? why dont you show what they mean before expecting them as well? is it because you think urself too good for me only you are able to make calculative demands of what you expect of me whenever you put in a lil effort here and there? if so, just break my heart the final time. 3. ive had enough of friends-of-boyfriend dramas nuf said above. & if u rly need me to explain my disappointment again, just know that most of the time whn frens point out that we aint spending time tgt lk normal couples, i simply say you are busy/ hv other commitments. when asked about the downside of our rs, i'd reply that it's fine because i know u put in effort alr in changing and tt u are rly treating me quite well/ putting in ur best efforts to make me happy. mutual friends of friends who have feelings for me and who know me well enough have their comments. and of coz they, highly recommend their friends who tick the right boxes of being my perfect bf but it hasnt changed anth for me. they noe whn im upset but ultimately have nth much to say because i wld still defend u at th end of evt or simply tell them its my choice and wdv makes me happy. i rly cnt comprehend hw u cld leave me to ur frens' judgement and add on to it if u truly love me. dont you see that ive tried? or hv u simply decided tt i deserve to be thought of badly because im nt good enough for you? it's 0552. im done crying. done ranting. done editing out rly hurtful bits in my moment of spite. this is the best i can afford. im sorry. im exhausted. |
yting l. 
Give me presents on 09/10. I love rings, ice-cream, chocolate, candies, piercings & pretty little things. love lies. A-H: caihong. charlene. dallas. dengyin. garyim. homing. I-R: jeryl. jhosy. jiaxin. jocelyn. kerry. linjia. michelle. minee. mireen. munyee. noelle. peiwen. riwei:). S-Z: sally:). sherlyn. sinyeeL. vengyi. vivian weikaiN. winnie. xiaxue. May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 Designer : Chili. x o x o |